Open on Toontown's New Theater. Fade to the auditorium, in which several cartoon characters are seated.

Cue yours truly, at the very front of the auditorium.

Me: *ahem, whereupon everybody goes silent* I'd like to thank you all for coming to my screening of the new Mickey Mouse cartoon I've written! Now, just a bit of background: this isn't an original idea. In fact, it was originally a scrapped Mickey cartoon that would have been made by Riley Thomson and his "drunk Mickey" unit! To quote from David Gerstein:

At Disney's for a research project, I once saw materials from another unfinished Mickey cartoon, this one seemingly by Thompson and the Whirlwind crew. Titled Mickey's Elopement (c. 1941), it featured the characters in a hillbilly setting. Mickey was trying to help Minnie escape from her stern Uncle Mortimer's house so he could get her to a quickie wedding chapel—no kidding!

Basically, I took this idea and "wintered" it up, so to speak...you'll see the exact details of what I've done. I hope you guys like it in any event. Roll the film!

As I walk off stage, the sound of a projector turning on is heard. Up front, the old universal film leader is seen, counting down...and cue the opening, while the opening theme from "The Little Whirlwind" plays:

---

Open on a gorgeous panorama of the Smoky Mountains on the Tennessee-North Carolina border, draped in snow; the sun is setting. Pan across these mountains until a small, idyllic village, nestled in the midst of the mountains and surrounded by trees, comes into view; zoom into the village, and fade to a street view.

The Christmas season has arrived; a folksy rendition of "Jingle Bells" plays. The log cabins are decorated rather humbly, with a wreath hanging on every door, at least; some of the wreathes do have bows tied on them.

Pan across all these rather small cabins...but then zip to, at the very end of the street, a large, sumptuously-decorated cabin! A particularly large and elaborate wreath, decorated with flowers and herbs, hangs on the foreboding door, which is surrounded by no shortage of bells and ribbons and gorgeous lights. Pan upwards to reveal that the cabin is even larger than expected; across its façade are more and more festive engravings and decorations and lights! It all culminates, at the very top, in a conspicuous sign made of Christmas lights:



Now fade inside the cabin...an argument is in progress. On the one hand is Mortimer himself, sumptuously adorned in a patched up blazer and bowtie, Swiss watches on both his wrists, and overalls underneath all that...though he has only socks on his feet. On the other is his daughter, Minnie, who is dressed as lovely as a hillbilly girl can possibly get.

Mortimer: I've put your hand in marriage up to the suitor who brings the finest yule log here by the end o' this night, and that's final! I didn't conceive the most beautiful hillbilly daughter west o' North Carolinny for nothin'!

: Oh, father, it's all about you, isn't it!? You have no regard for my own wishes, my whims, my oddities!

Mortimer: And who, I suppose, would YOU want to marry?

: Why, you don't know? My heart is for Mickey....that brave, charming, handsome mouse who lives all the way up in the mountains! All year long, we've been courtin'...and I'm resolute that I'll marry no other!

Mortimer: How DARE you get anywhere near that gall-danged highlander!!? We's lowland hillbillies...refined and civilized and more cognizant of wealth when we see it!

(teary): How "refined and civilized" are you to be denying your own daughter's love just so your own wealth can be safe!? *sob* My Mickey is a kinder, jollier soul than any of you wealth-lovin' lowlanders could ever be, and no matter how many suitors you try to shove up my bosom, my heart will always be with him!

Mortimer: And my heart sure as tunket will always be against him! Now you best reconsider, cause your suitors are a comin' from all over these mountains, and they's hungry for beauty...and my trust.

And at that moment, the sounds of violent gunfire (and ricochets) and blows landing are heard; outside the cabin, a whole mob of wild, rich-looking (at least for hillbillies) mice suitors is approaching, with the suitors all shooting each other and, having strapped their large Yule logs to their backs, using said logs to beat each other, some even stealing others' logs out of their size or shape or look! And all this while running over to Mortimer's cabin!

Mortimer (looking out the cabin window, then turning to Minnie): Quite charming, aren't they, my co-inheritance? Do be prepared to bed with one of them. *chuckles*

: Never! I know deep down that Mickey will come down with a finer Yule log than any of these suitors, and then you'll log your reconsiderations!

Mortimer (now walking into his private room): Oh trust me, he won't bring anythin' to make my impeccable tastes in Yule reconsider...if he makes it here, that is. *slams the door*

The room is lit only by a candle. Mortimer's two eyes look left and right to make sure no one is there...and he zips right over to a telephone on his desk, phone already in hand as he dials the numbers as fast as he possibly can!

Mortimer (in a sinister tone, reinforced by the darkness of the room and the dramatic, foreboding music): Hatcoy McMouse, is that you? Listen carefully, my twin brother...that highlander Mickey Mouse is prob'ly comin' down the mountain soon to claim my daughter's hand in marriage. I want you to gather up our whole clan of henchbillies and have them spread out all o'er the mountain. Make them attack him whenever they see'im so he don't get here by the end o' the night...in fact, feel free to let them destroy him any way they please.

With that, Mortimer hangs up, now with a wicked smile. Fade out on the scene except for Mortimer's evil eyes and smile...and then that fades out too.

---

The blackness is suddenly lit up by an oven lid opening (yes, this is a shot inside an oven), revealing a pan with a sponge cake. The opener is none other than, of course, Mickey Mouse! (He looks more or less like this .)

Taking the aromatic cake out of the oven while whistling "The Twelve Days of Christmas", Mickey proceeds to send it flying through the air (out of its pan)! He zips off-screen, then, in a different part of the kitchen, he zips back in elegantly and appealingly posed, one hand held out with a plate and standing tippy-toed on one foot (with the other leg held in the air behind him); the cake lands right on the plate!

Bringing it over to the table (which has a bowl of chocolate icing), Mickey then begins enjoyably icing the top (using a knife), then rolls the flexible cake into a cylinder...then grabs the remaining icing with his gloved hands and flings it all onto the roll! With his hands, he rubs the icing throughout said roll...and it now resembles a log, much to his satisfaction.

He then reaches backwards with his foot to another bowl filled with raspberries and powdered sugar...the foot comes down on the edge of the table, sending the contents flying towards the log! Mickey ducks, allowing the sugar to dust itself on the log like snow and the raspberries to settle like mushrooms—voila, a bûche de Noël ! (Also known as a Yule log.)

But something's missing, and Mickey wonders...but he surprisedly ducks again as the final touch, a ring, takes its place of honor in the center!

Now filled with joy at his remarkable achievement, Mickey covers his bûche with a plate lid and begins carrying it out of the house, almost dancing as he skips along. Along the way, he stops at a lovely framed picture of Minnie:

: Don't you worry, Minnie! I'll be down the mountain soon...and when ol' Father Mortimer sees this log, he'll have to let you marry me!

Mickey exits his cozy cabin, now wearing a scarf, still dance-skipping and whistling, and starts up his old-fashioned, 19th-century-style car parked outside, placing the Yule log next to him in the driver's seat; he begins his drive down the mountain.

Little does he know, however, that one of the McMouse henchbillies is watching him in the woods surrounding the cabin; said henchbilly takes off, speeding through the woods (in brush-strokes) over to a pay phone on the other side! He inserts his payment—a bottle cap from a glass of root beer.

The henchbilly (after dialing up the number): He's off, Brer Hatcoy! Tell the higher-up brers o'the clan to git ready!

Hatcoy (from the other side of the line): Will do, and thank you!

He hangs up on that henchbilly, and dials up the "higher-up brers"....

Hatcoy: Is this Brer Euty? Tell everyone to set everythin' up and get in position, the highlander's a-comin'!

Cut right to a very close shot of Brer Euty (such that his head takes up the foreground), with all the other henchbillies in the background; all are in silhouettes, and it's clear their figures resemble differently-sized Mortimers.

Brer Euty: Didya hear, you rats!? Set the trap up!

All the henchbillies, still in silhouette, start scrambling around and rushing and yelling, carrying planks and piles of tools and...Christmas lights? (They glow bright colors in the midst of the rodent silhouettes.)

---

Fade to the snowy mountain road, and pan through it; signs are littered across its edges, culminating in a fork in a road where one of the shorter Mortimer-esque henchbillies is hammering down a large sign, complete with a bunch of large red arrows pointing left! He hears a car approaching, takes, and dives behind his large sign.

Mickey is happily driving...and he notices the signs as he drives past them:

PIИING FOR THE HOLIDAY EXPEЯIENCE OF YOUЯ LIFЭ?

CAUGHT THЭ NOSTALGIA BUG?

TAKE A DRIVE THROUGH OUR BEAUTIFUL WINTЭR WONDERLAND!

YOU WON'T EXIT WITHOUT FEELING TOUCHED!

: Well...*taking out his pocket watch and checking the time* I guess one diversion shouldn't take up too much time!

He now approaches the fork in the road...the large sign:


And, of course, takes that fateful left turn, while the short henchbilly behind the sign looks on evilly...

---

As enters the Winter Wonderland, driving on the snow given that there is no paved road in this particular part of the mountain....boy, what a beautiful sight! The snow sparkles and glistens in the light of the lanterns placed throughout the wonderland, and the icy trees surrounding the path are absolutely enchanting. The scene is garnished with bright Christmas lights, all through the trees and even hanging high in the air.

Mickey cannot help but look around in awe at this glorious sight, still driving forward. But when he turns back to the front...

: *gasp*

....a string of Christmas lights has been placed precisely at neck level, ready to garrot him as he drives forward!

Right in the nick of time he screeches his car to a halt!

(coming out of the car and examining the stray string, quite annoyed): Now what inconsiderate mouse would decorate a winter wonderland like this?

At that moment, however, all the icy trees come crashing down, turning out to be very well-designed cardboard fakes—from them emerge a whole bunch of henchbillies, cocking their various guns at Mickey!

(quite shocked out of his wits....then, sheepishly): Well, uh.....*chuckles nervously* I have somewhere to be, so.......

Immediately he springs into action and pulls down the neck-level Christmas light string!

Brer Euty: FIRE!!!

All the henchbillies start shooting their guns out as Mickey dives into his car! He starts it up again, dodging and ducking and moving to this side and that amidst the swarm of bullets aiming at him, and floors it!

The henchbillies continue firing at him as he drives off....and one of the bullets strikes a back tire! The back of the car begins to skid out of control, with Mickey trying to keep the car in control as bullets whiz by!

Finally, the rain of bullets patters out, and Mickey breathes a heavy sigh of relief, even though his car is still rather shaky...but then he hears the harsh sound of a machine gun cocking, and looks ahead to find—

: YIPE!!

—an insane henchbilly (those black-in-blue pupils!) with a muscular physique firing his machine gun at Mickey while screaming loudly!!

Mickey ducks as the bullets render the left car door scrap metal and mutilate his scarf, with one even getting close enough to tear a gash in his boater hat! (His eyes look up at this.)

The car gets more out of control by the second; now it is swiveling back and forth, each time more heavily than before!

The machine gunner, out of ammo, terrifyingly jumps onto Mickey as he passes! Pinning Mickey down on the seat, he begins trying to pistol-whip Mickey with that large machine gun as the car spins wildly, completely out of control!

Mickey manages to keep dodging the attempted blows, and finally manages to grab the large gun! The two mice struggle as the car keeps pivoting; after great effort, the gunner pulls back his gun—and because of that great effort ends up tripping out of the car! He does the famous Goofy holler as he flops around in the snow, the spinning car leaving him behind.

Getting up, Mickey desperately attempts to get his car back in control, especially since he is now on a long stretch of the snowy "road" that slopes downward...but more yellin' henchbillies emerge from the surrounding woods, now tossing grenades at Mickey and his car! Each one rocks the car violently, and blows pieces of the car away; Mickey is now sweating, trying as hard as he can to keep driving on, knowing he's in great danger!

But in a stroke of pure bad luck, one particularly large grenade lands right in the car....Mickey's take when he sees it doesn't even fully register before it explodes, completely destroying the car!

Down come two thin remaining pieces of the car, which continue sliding downward; Mickey lands on them on his feet, thus using them as unsteady skis. His bûche de Noël, including the plate and the lid, lands right in his hands; greatly relieved to see his Yule "log" is safe, he lifts his hat up with his floppy ears, balances the cake on his head, and pulls down his hat to keep it safe.

A henchbilly (quite a distance behind ): Send in the howitzer!

The other henchbillies roll in the howitzer—please don't ask me how these hillbillies have access to all these advanced weapons—and fire a fast-moving Christmas ornament at Mickey!

Meanwhile, some neat character animation on Mickey's part as he shows off, quite pleasingly, the tricks he can do, among them skiing on his arms, crossing his legs, and even balancing himself in a charming pose on just one of the "skis"! Reality strikes back, however....

A henchbilly (lying on the side of the path, ahead of ): Have a holly jolly Christmas, highlander!

Mickey takes—the henchbilly is going to break Mickey's legs with a club covered in holly leaves!

Mickey crouches in anticipation...and jumps over the holly club as it is swung! But then the howitzer-shot ornament from earlier gets Mickey (who is still in the air), exploding right in his rear!

: YOW!

The impact knocks him farther ahead, and landing on the down-sloping snow he starts to roll, eventually finding himself rolling down in a large snowball. And one particularly cunning henchbilly jumps out and traps the large Mickey snowball in a sack!

Said cunning henchbilly (as the other henchbillies, among them Brer Euty, gather around him): Well, doggone! Whaddya suppose we oughta do with'im now?

One henchbilly: Fry'im alive in boilin' oil!

Another henchbilly: Use'im as target practice for our guns!

Yet another henchbilly: Strap a vest o' bombs on him and detonate it!

Brer Euty: I got it! How's about we climb all the way back up to the top o' this mountain and throw'im off?

Various henchbillies in unison: Yeah, let's dash this highlander to pieces!

---

Fade to the aforementioned cunning hillbilly of Brer Euty's mob, accompanied by the rest of the mob, carrying the now-tied sack with Mickey and the snow up to the peak of the mountain. On the highest ledge, below which is an at least 1000 ft. drop...

The cunning hillbilly (swinging the sack accordingly): One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to GERONIMOOOOOOO!!

Off the peak the sack with Mickey goes! The henchbillies all watch as the sack disappears into the distance below......and they all start cheering and rejoicing wildly, shaking their hats and jumping around and whooping and dancing!

Brer Euty: Boy, wait'ill Brer Hatcoy hears about this!

---

The sack, with Mickey and snow inside, continues in its long descent; it looks like the end for Mickey.

But then, halfway down the mountain...the sack gets caught in a long, flexible branch protruding from the side of the cliff! As the branch begins to tear the sack open, out pops Mickey...quite icy and frozen, having been trapped in the snow for so long.

But when he finds out where he is by looking down...he does such a horrified take (he leaps out of the sack, his eyes stretch out, and his mouth opens wide in shock) that he breaks free from his icy covering! Having leaped out of the sack, he clings onto the branch for dear life, breathing heavily with a look of desperate fright; cue a startling shot of the very bottom of the mountain, quite far down from where Mickey is.

Looking around nervously, he finds a narrow ledge to his left. Carefully Mickey reaches a leg out; once it's placed on the ledge, the rest of his body begins to follow, his hands clinging to the cliff wall...but then that first leg slips and Mickey yelps as he nearly falls, his two hands grabbing onto the ledge! Lifting himself onto the ledge, grabbing on to the cliff wall and continuing to breathe tensely, with one hand he feels inside his hat to see if the Yule "log" is still there...he gratefully sighs, as the cake is mercifully safe. So he begins what proves to be a long, tense, arduous walk along the thin ledge, where one wrong step could result in certain death...

From the top of the cliff, it turns out that two henchbillies are spying down on Mickey.

Brer Cab: So, Brer Nimos, how's about we throw a boot down on him and get'im over with?

Brer Nimos: Patience, Brer Cab. I wanna prove to Brers Mortimer and Hatcoy that we middle henchbillies is just as worthy of respect as Brer Euty and his higher-up, oh-so-advanced scumbags, 'specially since they've bombed at disposin' of Mickey...and what better way than to ambush that soft Freddie Moore rat in the woods and put'im in an old-fashioned brawl to the death?

Brer Cab: Uh, right, you've...got a point there. Lemme phone up Brer Hatcoy just to rub those higher-ups' blunder-up in his face.

Brer Nimos: And let him know we've set our corneas on Mickey!

Brer Cab: Yeah, that too.

---

Fade back to Mortimer, on a phone conversation with Hatcoy in his private room.

Mortimer: So, our best henchbillies disposed of him from the top o' the mountain?

Hatcoy (on the other side of the line): As anyone could've expected! I don't send our Ninety Old Men up front for nothin'!

Mortimer: Well, hooooooot gum! Now that that cuss is broken to pieces, my daughter's gonna have to marry one of these suitors...

He takes a peek outside...

Mortimer: ....and she's warmin' up to 'em, I assure you!

Actually, however, poor Minnie is awfully crestfallen...meanwhile, the various suitors continue feuding.

One suitor: Face it, Eraserface! Your Yule log ain't anywhere near the quality o' mine, and you's gonna have to pry mine from my cold, dead hands!

"Eraserface": In that case...

"Eraserface" immediately takes out his large shotgun and shoots the one suitor with such force that the suitor's body lands right at Minnie's feet!

: AAAAAAAH!!!!

Looking left and right, the horrified Minnie sees that two other suitors are charging at each other with their large logs—and she is right in the center! She jumps out of the way right as the logs collide—the logs crack and break into pieces, and the suitors, frozen in mid-air, follow suit.

Mortimer: Heh heh heh....yessir, awful lots o' fun with them around, not to mention they all have Ph.Ds in accountin'! My fortune oughta be safe with one of 'em as my son-in-law.

Hatcoy: Hold on, Mortimer! I'm gettin' another call.

On the other side of the line, Hatcoy's second telephone is ringing.

Hatcoy (answering the phone): Hello?.........WHAT!? How could....Alright, fine, you middle henchbillies can take over! *hanging up, then returning to Mortimer* Bad news, Morty; somehow Mickey survived our higher-up henchbillies! Now it's up to our middle henchbillies!

Mortimer: You mean he's not dead!? Hatcoy, you make sure those middle henchbillies don't just say fightin' words! Tell 'em to beat'im to a pulp and then some!

With that, the now-crazed Mortimer hangs up the phone violently, slamming the handset onto the telephone.

---

At last, after what must have been several harrowing miles on a narrow ledge, Mickey has reached wider ground; just ahead are the woods on the way down the mountain!

At first, he cannot believe it, but then...

: YAHOO!!

In joy he bounces around and kisses the wide ground! But in looking at the time...

: 10:45!? Oh no!!

In haste he runs into the woods, in the hopes that he can make good time! Little does he know, however, that Brers Nimos and Cab see him approaching their corner of the woods...

Mickey runs past the trees they are hiding behind, and stops shortly afterwards to take a little break. They creep up on him from behind....and start dragging him by the neck by way of the two ends of his scarf! As Mickey chokes, he tries to resist; finally, finding himself between two trees, he grabs them tightly, each of his hands and feet holding onto each tree for dear life as the two henchbillies pull on him through his scarf!

His scarf gets tighter and tighter around his neck, and Mickey is practically being strangled as the henchbillies pull with all their might! Just as it looks like the end for him—he will die either by strangulation or by whatever the two henchbillies are planning to do to him—he suddenly notices that quite a distance behind the two henchbillies are two more conveniently-placed trees, one for each henchbilly! With a quick plan in his head, he releases his hands from the two trees—forming them into fists—and as his feet alone cannot stand the strong pulling, they soon slip from the trees, and thus Mickey is sent flying back as Brers Nimos and Cab, having pulled extremely hard on Mickey, inadvertently run backwards!

The two slam right into the trees behind them, followed by Mickey flying into them with arms (with fists) and legs outstretched—resulting in him punching them in their faces and kicking them in their stomachs!

(stepping down, quite satisfied): So, guess it didn't pay to strangle me by the scarf, did it?

Nimos and Cab, looking quite beaten, respond by having their rubbery bodies slide down from the tree and onto the ground.

But then another middle henchbilly suddenly jumps out screaming from behind a tree onto Mickey, and he finds himself, on the ground, once again being strangled, this time directly!

His hat with the Yule log inside has fallen off, and another, more corpulent henchbilly zips up from behind another tree and lifts the hat to find the lovely cake; he takes up the plate and opens the lid, licking his lips!

Mickey manages to throw off his strangler (who is violently slammed into the tree he hid behind—the snow falls onto him to make him a snowman!) and, just as the corpulent henchbilly is about to take a large bite out of his Yule log, zips up and uppercuts him, the log (plate and all) falling back into Mickey's hands and teeth falling out of the corpulent henchbilly's mouth! His stiff, solid body hops around for a while, more teeth falling out, and finally collapses.

But as Mickey puts his bûche de Noël back under his hat, sure that no more attacks on him will occur, more yelling henchbillies descend from the tops of the trees! Mickey starts punching out each one that tries to land on him and beat him, but eventually they're too much for him to handle as they start coming down on him all at once; ultimately, they form a fight cloud filled with wild roughhousing!

Yet....the henchbillies, it happens, are too busy beating themselves up; Mickey walks out of the scuffle unharmed, his log still safe in his hat, whistling "Deck the Halls" nonchalantly! Thus, he proceeds onward on his journey down the mountain...

---

Now, in a distinctly different part of the woods filled with bushes, Mickey is trudging on, tiredly and discouragedly whistling "Silent Night". He takes out his pocket watch as the somber rendition of "Silent Night" that is playing continues on.....

: 11:20....I guess I can take one last rest.

He walks off somewhere else; as he leaves, however, however, a henchbilly's head pops out of a bush, having witnessed Mickey's appearance and leaving. As he prepares to zip off, however, he instead starts more-or-less shuffling out of the bush—his body is smaller and shorter than expected—whereupon it turns out that Hatcoy's cabin is just a few steps away!

He knocks on the door rather formally.

Hatcoy (answering the door): Why, Brer Enolam! What did ya see?

Brer Enolam (sticking himself into Hatcoy's ear): Well, to be as direct as possible......He just passed through this part of the woods!

Hatcoy (already rattled by the sudden yelling into his ear, and even more peed off by the news): WHAAAAAAT!?!?

Breathing heavily, he stiffly grabs the shotgun hanging next to him on the front wall...this obviously cannot be good.

Hatcoy: So, he got past not only my middlemen, but before that my best men...and he's sure to get past my aimless lower henchbillies soon enough! Time to take this highland rat's obliteration into my own hands!

---

Mickey is glumly sitting beneath a tree in an emptier part of the woods. Rustling through the bushes and then spying on Mickey, meanwhile, is Hatcoy.

(taking his Yule log out from under his hat and looking at it while talking to himself): Oh, Minnie...if I'd known that all these attempts on my life would occur, I would've gone down earlier. I hope that I haven't been worrying you too much; luckily, my Yule log is still in one piece. I'm sure your father will love this cake—then he'll see some worth in me!

That's when an ominous mouse shadow casts itself over Mickey...who looks up to find, to his horror, Hatcoy pointing his shotgun right at him!

Hatcoy: By my honor as Hatcoy McMouse, hand over that Yule log and I'll spare your cheap life!

: But, this log....it's for somebody important! And if I'm not down in the village soon, I'll—

Hatcoy: Hand it over or I'll blast your head off! *now sneering* Think about it, you worthless corporate symbol—your "somebody important" would have no use for a headless, cold, dead husband, would she?

Mickey, gulping, finally concedes defeat, forlornly handing over the Yule log to the sadistic Mortimer-twin and his shotgun.

Hatcoy: Now turn around.

Mickey complies.

Hatcoy: Hands up!

Ditto!

Hatcoy: And march away!

Thus, Mickey begins to march off farther into the woods, hands up in the air...but Hatcoy's not done yet.

Hatcoy (whispering to the fourth wall): Like I'd pass up an opportunity like this!

Slowly, he begins pulling the trigger....and Mickey, now far in the distance, stops marching as he hears the sound with one of his floppy ears—

BAM!

A cloud of smoke from the fired shotgun obscures Hatcoy's view. Nonetheless...

Hatcoy: Now he's as sure a dead rat as there ever was!

But right then Mickey jumps out of the cloud of smoke, uppercutting Hatcoy straight up into the air! The curved branches of the tree above him cause him to turn downward—almost like a U-shape—and he lands on his head with a thud, the rest of his body following afterwards!

: That's for trying to shoot me after you promised to spare my life!

As he starts to walk off, however, he decides to stand up the limp Hatcoy's body, brushing off the snow and dust....and then uppercuts him again, with Hatcoy U-curving up and down the tree again! (Talk about overkill.)

: And that's for trying to shoot me to begin with!

With that, Mickey scrambles off into the last part of the woods...time's a-wasting!

---

Once again, Mortimer's telephone rings.

Mortimer (quite hurried): So, Hatcoy, is he dead yet!?

Hatcoy (on the other side): ......I've failed you, Morty.

Mortimer: Whaddya mean, failed me!?

Hatcoy (who, it is revealed, now has bandages on his head and a crutch): That mouse got past our middle henchbillies, so I tried to shoot'im myself, but he beat me. Now all that's left is those lower henchbillies...

Mortimer begins shaking in rage, his eyes turning red...

Hatcoy: ...and with their incompetence, the mouse is sure to get past them—

...and then jams his head through the handset such that it now sticks out of Hatcoy's handset, Mortimer shoving himself in Hatcoy's face! (It's plainly obvious the resemblance between the two is uncanny.)

Mortimer (looking absolutely enraged and mentally unstable): Listen up, Hatcoy! I want to hear NO MORE of your discouraging bushwa! Brers Ne'er and Trumpy are gonna lead our last henchbillies to victory, or I'm gonna get real mad....and you know what happens when I get real mad.

With that, Mortimer brings his head back through Hatcoy's handset to his private room, and, hanging up the phone, slams his handset down so hard the telephone is practically smashed to pieces, gears and springs and such sticking out and flying everywhere!

---

Mickey has gotten past the dense mountain woods—the village is just below! Just one last long sloped, empty path surrounded by less dense woods, and he'll be there.

(checking the time): 11:50! Right on time!

So he zips off and begins what he expects will be a last straight sprint down the mountain—no henchbillies in his way, too!

Unfortunately for Mickey, however, a short lower henchbilly, hiding in the trees, sees him approaching from quite far off. He walks to a nearby part of the less dense woods and blows "Charge" on a bugle he pulls out, whereupon several lower henchbillies pop out of the trees and start yelling as they, rifles in hand, all run over to the edge of the woods, all stepping all over the bugle-player in the process!

The henchbillies all crowd into the same spot, several of them standing on each other, and start shooting their rifles—in effect, a wall of bullets!

Mickey, for his part, violently skids to a stop upon seeing the wall—stopping just short of it! He notices an opening at the very bottom, and carefully crawls under it.

But before he can get up, suddenly a knife flies right in front of his eyes, striking the tree on the other side of the path with a rattle! Mickey looks at where it came from and gasps—a particularly insane henchbilly shows off his collection of knives like a deck of cards while snickering!

Mickey runs and seemingly hides behind a tree in the surrounding woods as that henchbilly starts throwing his knives—at the tree, several knives are thrown such that they form the shape of Mickey's body! That piece of the tree falls out to reveal Mickey was hiding inside the tree, backside pointed towards the knife-thrower; a knife is thrown at Mickey's rear!

(blasting out of the tree in pain): YIPE!

Sounds of destructive crashing are heard! It turns out that Mickey crashed through several trees in a line, leaving gaping, crackly holes in them, and is now stuck in one of them.

(opening his eyes and looking at what has happened and where he's at, then sheepishly grinning): Well, uh.....gosh!

A voice from off-screen: Time to shish your mouth, highland kabob!!

Perched on top of a tree is another henchbilly—one with a katana! He swings down on a rope tied on one end to his stomach and on the other end to the top of the tree Mickey is stuck in, katana pointed outward—he intends to stab Mickey right in the head!

Mickey manages to pull himself out of the tree and duck! The katana-wielder goes through the hole, his rope snapping, and flies forward with his katana, whereupon he takes—the knife-thrower, searching for Mickey, is right in his path!

Cut to a black screen that suddenly splashes with blood, followed by an explosion of stars representing a violent impact! When the stars clear, what's left is a rather graphic sight of the katana-wielder smashed into one of the trees Mickey crashed through earlier–and below that, the dead knife-thrower, the katana sliced right through his head (which is thankfully censored, as it is hidden inside the gaping tree-hole created by Mickey).

Mickey walks by on his way back to the main path...

: Not very sharply dressed, are ya?

....and runs off again.

---

Further down the path, one of the surrounding trees has a branch extending out over the ground...and tied to the branch, on the ground, is a net trap. And Mickey, now sprinting so fast he's been reduced to moving brush strokes, doesn't see it until it's too late—he steps on the trap and finds himself swinging around, trapped in a net hanging in the air!

Quite dizzy, he suddenly hears the sound of loud slicing and crashing—he turns to find an extremely fast-flying Christmas tree star slicing through all the trees in its way, chopping them all down!

Enter a rather small tank (about the size of Mickey) from where the star came, driven by a not-so-normal henchbilly—he is obviously not a rodent, but some psychotic, skinny, peach-colored creature wearing a black cap with Mickey Mouse ears and Mickey's trademark red buttoned shorts...if he doesn't sound familiar, all I'm going to say is that he is known amongst the hillbillies as Brer Ne'er. He drives up to Mickey, aiming his shooter at him...

Brer Ne'er: End of the line for you, overused corporate filth! Thees tank, as has just been demonstrated, shoots stars at 10,000 miles an hour—and eef one star can slice through forests, eet can slice right through your bones!!

With that, Brer Ne'er begins laughing maniacally as he slowly brings down the finger that will push the button to shoot a star at Mickey! His laughing grows ever more maniacal as the finger gets closer; meanwhile, Mickey, recognizing the inevitable, says his last prayers.....

....but suddenly a large, red, fat animal with a blue nose, also dressed in Mickey Mouse ears and shorts, pops out from under Brer Ne'er, interrupting the tension! This, of course, is Brer Trumpy.

Brer Trumpy (who has a delightfully idiotic voice): Hey, wait a minute, Ne'er! I wanna push the button!

Brer Ne'er (surprised at first, then peed off): Would you *backslapping Trumpy* SHUT your mouth!? You overgrown pile of decomposed daffodils!!

Brer Trumpy: But Ne'er....you promised! Oh PWEAAASE!

Brer Ne'er: Oh......fine! But let me readjust the—

Too late! In his ecstasy, Brer Trumpy immediately pushed the button as Ne'er was adjusting the tank's shooter...to make matters worse, Ne'er had moved the shooter slightly above Mickey, meaning that—guess what?—the shot star sliced the net, freeing Mickey who, realizing what had happened, proceeded to run off as fast as he could!

Brer Trumpy (completely oblivious as Ne'er shakes violently in psychotic anger): See, Ne'er? I told you nothing bad would happen if you'd just let me push the button!

Ne'er choppily raises his hand...and smacks Trumpy so hard he's knocked out of the tank! Then he pulls out a radio microphone:

Brer Ne'er: SEND EEN THE MISSILE!!

A long distance back, the lower henchbillies, having heard Brer Ne'er's order from their radio, bring out a large missile! One of them lights the fuse from behind....and it blasts off towards Mickey! (The combustion charring that particular henchbilly, of course.)

To be concluded tonight...or tomorrow, depending on my time.

---

The time is 11:59 PM, as seen on Mortimer's clock. The suitors are as rowdy as ever, while Minnie looks at the clock nervously.

Mortimer (walking up): Well, my dear fortune-guarding daughter, at this rate your Mickey has failed! Time to make your choice!

(distracted from her worrying, then taking on a façade of haughty confidence): Why—absolutely not! I know my Mickey will come down here with the greatest Yule log in the world in the next minute, and you're going to accept our love! *turning away from Mortimer and lapsing back into worrying* Oh, Mickey, please make it!

Mickey, in the meantime, has reached the last stretch—he begins sprinting faster and faster, and eventually races at an unbelievably high speed, his brush strokes passing across the screen in less than five frames! Such it is that his speeding makes the sound of a siren!

Mortimer: Twenty seconds, Minnie! He ain't comin'!

: Oh....

Mickey is now at the edge of the village, from there zipping through all the decorated cabins and well on his way to the cabin!

Mortimer (looking passionate and insane): Five seconds!

The clock ticks on! 11:59:59....

: MICKEY!!

...suddenly Mickey crashes through the door and speeds past Minnie, crashing right into Mortimer, and Minnie watches and shakes in horror as what sounds like a chain of horrific car accidents occurs off-screen! The sounds keep on going as a long pan reveals the destruction—Mickey, unable to stop, is now crashing into and knocking out all the suitors and destroying their Yule logs, which are broken over the suitors' heads, shoved down their throats or up their shirts, trapping or crushing them, etc.!!

Towards the end of the long trail of destruction, one last, awful crash is heard—and, as it happens, sitting at the very end of the carnage is Mickey, crashed into the back wall so badly that great cracks have developed, breathing very heavily such that his chest puffs out and in. His clothes are worse for the wear, a sign of his troubles with the henchbillies—but at last, his arduous journey down the mountain has ended, and right before midnight!

coming over, almost bursting into tears): Oh, Mickey, I was so worried! *touching Mickey, showing genuine care* Are you all right?

(still breathing heavily, but taking his bûche de Noël out from under his hat, opening up the plate lid; it has survived through all this time!): I......I've got the Yule log, Minnie. It's nice, isn't it?

: It's...beautiful! Oh, you shouldn't have....

She sheds a tear, then wipes it away as she sniffs. This lovely scene is, I'm afraid, short-lived...from out of where Mickey crashed into the wall comes Mortimer, looking and feeling positively demented as he stares at the two horrified lovers!! He growls as he forcefully grabs away Mickey's Yule log!

Mortimer (panting): So......this is your Yule log, isn't it? Well...you wanna know what I think? I think it's a *throwing the cake down on the ground* USELESS, putrid waste of flour!

He roars and snarls as, in a sadistic orgy, he stomps all over the cake, squishing it around and jumping on it, then taking the remains and throwing them on the ground and squishing them again!! Minnie hysterically sobs, while Mickey can only look on in horror!

Mortimer (his psychoses having peaked, and now rubbing himself in Mickey's face): Well....where's your Yule log now, highlander? Where is it!? Face it—you're a good-for-nothing made of moldy Christmas leftovers!! And as for YOU!!

He has pointed right in the sobbing Minnie's face, causing her to scream and try to restrain her sobs in fear!

Mortimer: Your boyfriend has failed to meet my requirements! Now...choose which of these suitors you're going to marry and get it over with!!

Minnie looks around the scene of knocked-out suitors nervously, while Mickey looks down, quite saddened. Finally...

: I choose....none of them!!

Mortimer: WHAT!?

(brightening up): *gasp*

(standing up to Mortimer!): Thaaaat's right! I have had enough of you dictating who I get to marry just because you're my father! Well guess what? I don't have to marry anybody!

Mickey, who was quite excited up to this point, is let down again. But Minnie reassures him...

: But, uh, that doesn't mean I can't run away with you nonetheless!

(once again happy): To the chapel in the woods we go!

And so the two happy hillbilly mice run out through Mortimer's back door, while Mortimer, quite surprised that his daughter could possibly stand up to him, is left stammering.

Mortimer: B-bu-b-but wait! Wha-what about my fortune! My....

He turns to the front window...and takes—the missile that was launched at the end of the last post is heading right for the cabin!!

The resulting giant explosion sends all the cabin's Christmas decorations flying, and violently rocks the region!

In an animated tour-de-force in which everything is deliciously timed to "Joy to the World", the trees surrounding the path to the chapel fall onto each other sequentially to each beat of the song, resulting in them forming wedding "arches" over the path! After four "arches" have formed, while the trees further down continue falling and forming arches, the Christmas decorations from Mortimer's cabin began falling perfectly onto each succeeding group of four "arches"—for each group, first the ribbons, then the lights, then the ornaments, and finally the wreaths (one in the center of each "arch"), each one timed down to the beat!

As all this musical synchronization continues, Mickey and Minnie run down the decorated path happily...and that's when the ring that was on Mickey's Yule log, sent flying by the explosion as well, lands on Minnie's finger! Mickey and Minnie look at each other lovingly, and continue their trek onward to the chapel, the Star of Bethlehem shining over them.

Meanwhile, Mortimer rises out of the ashes of his cabin, quite charred and defeated.

Mortimer (to the fourth wall): Happy Christmas to all, and to me a good night! *passes out*

Iris out on the fainted Mortimer! "Joy to the World" comes to a grand, flourishing close...

---

And now, folks, time for one last Christmas message from me, with important information pertaining to these holiday threads!

First off, I would like to thank all of you kind folks who bothered to read the holiday threads I supervised this year. Believe me, I've put great effort into making these threads as compelling and entertaining yet true to the Golden Age as possible–a definite change from what these party threads used to be–and I hope that it was all worth it.

I would particularly like to thank wiley207 and Mister Bighead (formerly texwolf42). They were the biggest influences on my writing style back when this account was occupied by the Dogfather, and both supported the new direction I was taking these threads in.

Getting your way naturally results in conflict with others who see things differently. In this regard, I am grateful to ParamountCartoons and Justin Delbert for putting up with my ego, and I must apologize to them for the (at times) great offenses I have caused them in regards to these threads.

For this particular thread, very special thanks must go to Mac, who provided me with great suggestions and ideas–most, if not all of which made it into the final thread.

And, of course, I am thankful to eutychus for allowing these threads to happen, and letting me supervise them.

Now onto business: it is not without a tinge of nostalgia and sadness that I am officially ending these holiday threads. I am quite burned out, and would like to spend my free time on more worthwhile activities (I need to get back to work on my Liner Notes); no one else has shown any particular willingness to keep these threads going on a regular basis while maintaining high standards. There will only be one more holiday thread from me after this one–the lost holiday thread that was supposed to be this year's Thanksgiving thread. I intend to go all out on this thread in order to wrap up these threads on a high note, and maybe even make it the best holiday thread period, so chances are it won't show up until late next year. And that will be the 5th anniversary of the IAD Forums, so it should definitely be something to look forward to!

Before I go, I'd like to wrap up some loose ends related to last year's rather depressing IAD Christmas Carol:
-I'm sure most of you remember the plot line dealing with how Princess Peach's orphanage depends on funds brought in by these party threads. Now that these threads are ending, don't worry; we've found other sources of money, most notably from sympathetic citizens of Videoville who discovered our plight, but also from, of course, the annual donations Daffy promised to make towards the end of that Carol thread (under duress, admittedly).
-Regarding the one heart-wrenching scene set in Peach's orphanage in that thread, I forgot to note that it–particularly the harrowing descriptions of all the poor, sick orphans–was very much based on what I had witnessed in real life at the time. Specifically, it was a DVD from a Vietnamese Franciscan charity showing the work they do amongst lepers and other diseased folks, along with pleas to help them out. So as melodramatic as that scene may seem–and the whole deal with us having only a can of soup and two bottles of milk to spare is definitely made up–it definitely has a basis in reality!

Well, I hope you folks have had a Happy Christmas! I will continue contributing to the Internet Animation Database in other ways, in addition to pursuing my interests in general. Remember, late next year is these forums' 5th anniversary–and do stay tuned for the last, lost holiday thread, which I hope will be done by then.

Until then, though, thanks again for reading my holiday threads!

Yours truly,
Toadette

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